I was an accidental entrepreneur. Postpartum depression led me to think about all the ideas I was passionate about. My husband nudged me with the now-or-never carrot, and I took a plunge into the ocean with excitement and hope.
What I didn’t realize during the 5-year journey was that I would be swayed so deep into the ocean that returning to shore would become the most nerve-wracking task. I was dragged into my ambition of building a company whose foundations and vision were rooted in my passions—passions built through my life’s journey. I was so emotionally connected to the cause that it often blurred my lens of practicality.
We failed to survive – (will write a separate post on why). Towards the end of the journey, I felt like I was the only person trying to swim through the strong undercurrents—undercurrents that swept away every hope. I realized I couldn’t pull this through alone and gave up.
This write-up reflects what happens to a supremely emotionally invested entrepreneur after she fails:
1. Loneliness
If being an entrepreneur is a lonely journey, being a failed entrepreneur is loneliness times infinity. No amount of family support, wisdom from similar cases, or mentorship seeps through in the initial phase. The feeling of letting down your dreams, the hopes of your stakeholders, and in many ways your reason for existence, is so overpowering that you bubble yourself into this rock-bottom situation. To this day, I can’t find solace in any logical explanation of why we failed.
It took me three months to accept failure, but that’s about it. Although my brain acknowledges exactly what drove us here, my heart is still in love with the idea and its grandeur. It’s like a breakup without closure. Thank God for my past learnings; I am counting on the greatness of the “Time will Heal” equation.
2. What’s Next?
Unlike being employed and staying connected to the best opportunities around you, entrepreneurship is like running with blinders so thick that nothing even comes close to a professional plan B. Failure was always a risk—but a risk I mitigated with a passion so deep that it let Goddess Hope override any thought of it.
When the demon Failure eats up all the hope, you are left feeling naked and clueless in a world of possibilities. It’s tough to walk the conventional path when you are so in love with walking a path driven by your heart.
I remember walking into one of the biggest MNCs in the world for a meeting, and my heart sank at the thought of possibly working there someday. I had to soul-search and realized that entrepreneurship has changed me forever. I can’t do anything anymore without putting my whole heart into it. I have to love the larger impact of my work.
The journey has begun. Goddess Hope is still around, and I am sure serendipity will work its way to lead me to another meaningful journey.
3. Questions with No Answers
Failure leads to self-reflection, self-inflicted overanalysis, and guilt that creates a great deal of regret. You question every decision you made, every relationship you built, and every hope you had. And yes, you even question the Great God who put this weight on your shoulders.
A huge amount of hopelessness follows failure, but every time I ask myself, “Do you regret this 5-year journey?” the answer is an astounding NO!
Do I regret the outcome? Definitely, yes. I have come to terms with the fact that as long as I live, I will have unanswered questions and many regrets about how I could have changed the course of my journey. But the journey itself has been filled with immeasurable gratitude and self-discovery.
The world is full of amazingly successful entrepreneurs who continue to inspire new entrants and those hit by failure. I am still learning to cope with failure, but I can vouch for one thing: failure builds character and strength like nothing else.
My bank account might scream danger, but I know I have saved enough in my inner vault of strength to keep me going.
The Jyoti Girl 
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